Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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