i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
