I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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