found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???