I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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