So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.