i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls