I showed him my bush... on skype.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.