I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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