I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
