i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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