I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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