If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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