that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
