What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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