You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
