I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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