Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
