so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he puts the penis in happiness.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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