I think I died a long time ago.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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