Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
