So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
two words...techno handjob
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
