there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
