the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
