He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
