i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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