Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
