Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
