Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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