four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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