Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
