But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
