this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
