I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
