If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
