When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
