Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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