I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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