sarcasm needs its own font
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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