Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
