I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
