No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
