Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize