Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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