plz talk dirty to me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
