cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
