$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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