I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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