She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
