Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
