Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
