He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
