billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
