i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
