He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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