WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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