Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
