he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
