Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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