Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
