Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
