So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
