Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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