I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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