I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
