I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
