The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
