did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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