Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize