I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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