Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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