Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
