i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
