He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
