now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
