So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
